Social Net Picking

By Jody Worsham

All rights reserved for Net Stalking Blocker

The TV touts that one in five relationships start with an online social networking service.

At first there was the E-Harmony.com, the website that offered matchmaking on the deepest level much like the professional matchmaker only you didn't have to be Jewish. E. Harmony promised to match you on twenty-seven levels of your deepest self by answering a few hundred questions like "Do you have a pulse? Or Do you breathe air?"

Today the late night TV abounds with all kinds of social networking websites. There is one called Booty Call.com. I don't think that one is interested in any level of deep compatibility, just plain sex. I thought soliciting was illegal; well, except in Nevada. Lava Talk is for those not ready to physically commit to…anything.

Plenty of Fish.com is obviously targeting the recently dumped, those left waiting at the altar. The Plenty of Fish line seems to be "throw'em back, there's plenty more out there."

A more recent one is Senior Find.com. The person who founded this networking service is either a senior citizen himself or has a mother living with him he's trying to unload on someone else. You might expect only those over sixty to visit this site, but I imagine there's a few under thirty young things out there looking for a rich baby boomer with more than social security to offer a trophy wife.

A more specialized site is called Black Friends obviously catering to an African American population although it does not say that.

Zoosk.com is a site that lets you "flirt", "wink", "look", or carry a sign that says "I'm Desperate". It's global so I'm sure there is a translation button somewhere on their site or they may just let "one picture say it all."

Another actual site is for those seeking a Christian mate. I assume the Jewish population is still depending on the matchmaker or the Jewish Mom Network of Florida, Georgia, and New York. The Jewish Mom Network doesn't rely on the internet but on the neighborhood butcher, doctor, rabbi, or Levi's aunt's sister's mother. Any daughter or son nearing that marriageable age will immediately go "live" on their network and will suddenly find themselves dinner guests at people's homes they don't even know. This will continue until the JMNFGN successfully marries off all eligible offspring.

What's next, military matches? Find your Soldier of Love. List name, rank, serial number, military training, years of service, and arsenal of weapons. Include picture of weapons.

If one in five relationships start on a social network, I think I will hold out for those four who still seek a mate like in the old days. You remember don't you? "Hey, go ask Sally if she has a date for the prom and if she says no, see if she would be interested in going with me if I were to ask her which I'm not saying I will; but don't tell her I told you to ask. Then come back and tell me before gym but don't let her see you talking to me". So simple and no computer required.