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Saturday, February 12, 2011

A.T.M. (All Telephone Manners)

By Jody Worsham, Feb. 2011

All rights reserved for Emily Post app for cell phone

A writer friend posed an interesting question. Do you talk while sitting on "the throne"? I have an equally interesting response "Do you have one of those video web phones?" because that is an entirely different roll of toilet paper.

Before, with telephones securely attached to the wall in the hall or the living room, telephone wearing apparel and manners were obvious because usually there was a parent or some family member in the same room with you while you were on the phone.

Because cell phones have become so tiny, so powerful, so technically advanced, we of the Emily Post generation find ourselves in unexplored etiquette territory. Therefore, to keep Generation X from becoming Generation XXX, I offer these rule addendums to dear Emily Post.

First, do not ask "What'cha doing" when calling a friend, given all the things that friend could be doing with a hands free cell phone clipped to the ear. You really might not want to know.

Second, with the first rule in mind, do not end a conversation with "Gotta go." That just leaves you open for all sorts of interpretations.

Third, given the total portability of our phones, do not ask the person to whom you are speaking to "Hold it" or "Hold on for a second." Given the question posed at the beginning of this piece that might not be possible.

Fourth, flushing and flashing are no longer considered proper etiquette while on the phone. Wait until the caller has hung up before you flush or drop that towel.

Fifth, when in doubt, put a black bag around your phone before answering it. You never know when that telemarketer might just have a webcam phone and is secretly taping you for that new reality show "Bare All."

I hope this has cleared up some of those troubling little questions you may have had regarding bathroom/cell phone etiquette. I'm sure in the next edition of Emily Post, there will be entire chapters devoted to cell phone, webcam, text, and virtual weddings.


Rose A. Valenta said...

I was wondering about the same thing with Skype and using my laptop in my birthday suit. Can they get you on the CAM?


Wanda said...

I hate the thought of having to do makeup to sit in front of the computer, but then again, there is a cam on it. It's that hate/love relationship all over again.

joanne lee said...

Don't turn it on! You can still speak without video!

Sharon said...

ROFLMAO!!! Jody, so well said. The images you conjured were XXX rated.

Jamie said...

Too funny. You all seem to be leading lots more exciting lives than I.

Marti said...

You are hilarious, Jody! I'm so glad I don't have a web cam or smart phone. Happy Valentine's Day, darlin'!

Alice said...

This reminds me of an old George Jetson cartoon. Jane Jetson's phone rang and of course they had phones where you could see each other. She just grabbed her mask complete with done up hair and put it on because it was first thing in the morning. Her "perfect" friend was calling. Then you see her "perfect" friend take her own mask off after the phone call is over. LOL! I think that's what we have come to. I just don't get a web cam. LOL!