Hear, Hear! Where's the Ear Plugs?

Hear, Hear! Where’s the Ear Plugs?
by Jody Worsham,
All rights reserved for disposable ear plugs.

As most of you know I have been fighting the I-can't-hear-out-of-my-right-ear-and-I-sound-like-I-am-in-a-well syndrome since February. It seems as we were all waiting for the Swine Flu virus to hit, the ICHOOFREAISLIAINAW (see above) virus hit leaving many of us with the above mentioned syndrome.

To solve this problem, I had an ear tube inserted in my right ear. While everyone else was recovering from said syndrome, I was still half deaf and still in the well. Four months and another doctor later, it was discovered that the ear tube (weighing .00000000000000000000001 of a mill-a-kilogram) was too heavy for my delicate little ear drum. Why is the only delicate part of me an ear drum?

Once the ear tube was removed, I was out of the well and hearing.....everything! You know when a car horn sticks and it just goes on and on forever? Then it stops and just for a split second everything is silent? When I got home, I didn't even have that split second.

"It's my turn?"
"She pushed me!"
"Did not!"
"Did, too"
"Not!"
"Too!"
"Not!"
"Too!"
"Where's the remote?"
"But wait, if you buy now, we will triple the offer. That's three multi-pants hangars, three veggie choppers (if the veggies are the size of grapes), and three inflated tush cushions. CALL NOW!"

Ah, the sounds of family. I'll be back. Just got to make a run to Wal-Mart...for ear plugs!