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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Seven Year Switch or Age is a Number...and they've got mine!

by Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for the Seven Year Itch, , Twitch, Hitch,  Stretch

If you live long enough, you are bound to experience age discrimination, and I have.  Because I have banned all mirrors in my house, I forget that my laugh lines do no disappear when I stop laughing, so you can imagine my surprise when people thought I was old on our recent cruise.

Ok, the fact that this was our 50th wedding anniversary cruise should have given me a hint that I wasn't twenty any more, but I don't feel old in spite of nature's little reminders.

The first "surprise" happened on the first night of the cruise.  After dinner Dr. Hubby, the nine-year-old, the twelve-year-old, myself, and my sister and her husband had a family picture made to commemorate the occasion. See blog "One Picture Needs a Thousand Words." The gist of the portrait fiasco was that the photographer thought that the children belonged to my sister and I was her mother.  Our mother is 94 by the way.  I did NOT buy the pictures. 

The next day younger sister suggested we attend some free spa and beauty sessions located on Cloud 9.  I didn't know if she was not so subtly hinting that one of us needed some beauty help or because it was raining and she didn't want to play Bingo.  

We had our feet printed and analyzed and guess what?  My feet needed $200 insoles.  Her feet were flat but fine.  We went to the skin toning and wrinkle smoothing session.  Guess what?  My skin needed $1,950 worth of lifts, tucks, and sucks. She needed a $39 face cream.
We went to the free beauty make-over.  I was not even in the running for the free teeth whitening, the free haircut, or the free facial.  She got extra samples of everything. I was skipped.  I guess they figured one sample wouldn't do me any good and a hundred wouldn't be enough.

On the fourth day while my baby sister was working out in the ship's gym (show off), I made an appointment with the ship's beautician, hair colorist, and on board magician.  I wanted the full treatment, haircut, shampoo, styling, coloring, the works.   I was keelhauling the gray.

While I was sitting in the salon waiting for my appointment, a twenty-something Barbie Doll came in and sat next to me.  The receptionist confirmed that Barbie wanted a pedicure and told me Michaile was running a little behind but it wouldn't be long.

Five minutes later Michaile came over and knelt to eye level with Miss Barbie Dull.

"Oh, such lovely tresses. Surely there is nothing I can do for you but I try.  You are wanting the color with the cut and styling, yes?"

Now why did Michaile just assume I was there for the corns, bunions, and callus sanding and Miss Barbie Dull wanted nice hair?

When Michaile was able to extricate his foot from his mouth, he escorted me to the styling chair and faced me towards the mirror.  I don't know who looked more forlorn in the reflection, me or him.  But to his credit, he worked the cruise ship Magic and we were both happy when I left.

At dinner my sister smiled and said "Well, don't you look nice.  I like your hair."

"Well thank you very much,” and we all sat down to dinner.

 There are a few advantages to being seven years older. I've been where she is but she hasn't been where I am...yet.  Hee hee!.


fishducky said...

Congratulations on your 50th!! We don't take cruises any more.

Wanda said...

Pictures! We need to see pics of the new do. I admire you for all you do and that includes cruizing.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

What I learned from Barbara Walters - "Uplighting"

Walk around with a flashlight under your chin (in "on" position) and you will not only look younger, but people will definitely notice you.

Sharon said...

Jody, Hooray for you. Not only did you show up Sis but you are beautiful everyday.

PS: Mary Kay now has a product called Time Wise Repair for skin older than 50. It helps, but doesn't cure.

Remember laugh lines are lovely, but frown lines are aging.

Jody Worsham said...

Sharon, I'm wiaiting for Preparation H, Skin Shrink to Fit.

Kali Park (Crow) said...

I love you, Ms. Worsham! This made me laugh. :)

Sharon said...

Just reread this post. Hilarious. Keep up the good work.