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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Danger, Will Robinson, Warning!

By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for racing stripes.

If you ever watched the 60’s TV show “Lost in Space” you will recognize the little robot calling out “Warning! Will Robinson, Warning!” whenever danger was near.  I wish I had one of those.  At least it wouldn’t be a highway patrol saying “ Warning! Mrs. Worsham, Warning” and waving a piece of paper at me.

I have been called Lead Foot, Jody Andretti, Rocket Mama and a few others.  I have been known to drive unslow.  I blame it on the car designers and modern technology. It’s true.

Back when I started driving, cars did not have air conditioning.  You drove with the windows down in the summer which was the only time I had access to a car.  You judged your speed by the position of your pony tail.  If it was straight out behind your head, better slow down.  Or you judged speed by the sound of the wind noise.  Cars had those little triangle windows that opened a crack and served no purpose other than to create wind noise to alert you to your speed.  When the decibels reached 7 or just short of a train, it was time to hit the brakes.

In the late 60’s early 70’s Chevrolet thought it would be helpful to install a dial whereby you could set the needle on the speedometer to go off when you reached so many miles per hour.  The intent was for you to set it at the legal speed.  The trouble was I got tired of hearing its buzzer go off every ten seconds, so I set it on 95.  Now when that buzzed, I slowed down.

Today we have Cruise Control.  You tap a button, set the speed, and prop your feet up on the dash.  Foot free driving.  Some cars automatically adjust your speed if you approach another car or a herd of deer cross the road which is more likely in my area.  But there is nothing that says “Warning, Jody Worsham, Danger” to avoid a speeding ticket.  Yes, you can buy one of those radar detectors but that’s like admitting you sometimes speed and plan on doing it whenever you think you won’t get caught.   Lead Foot, yes, knowingly disobedient, never. 

The seven-year-old gave me my very own speed reminder.  It is low cost, easy to install, and highly visible.

Today pony tails are worn low on the neck if you have one at all and the air conditioning eliminates wind noise warnings.  Triangular windows have been replaced by huge expanses of glass.  Cruise control only works if you remember to set it. You only know if you are speeding if you can quickly decipher which of the twenty-seven dials and electronic read-outs on the driver’s console and steering column is for speed.   Well, that, and those flashing red and blue lights in your rear view mirror.

“Warning! Mrs. Andretti! Warning!”    At least this time it was just a “warning” ticket.


The Feathered Nest said...

Jody, I am SO glad you commented on my blog so I could find YOURS!!! You are an absolute HOOT!!!! Girl, you should be writing books, doing stand up or something....the frying squirrel??? WHAT??? Tooooo funny!!! xxoo, Dawn

Wendy aka Quillfeather said...

Just the title of your post alone brought a great smile to my face! I grew up watching 'Lost in Space.' Now I'm showing my age!

Hope you don't clock up too many ticket! New follower :)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment; otherwise, I might never have found YOUR blog. Good stuff, lady! I must say, I can't remember a "speed alarm" in the old Chevies.(With the way my hubby drove back then, that might've come in handy. Wait. Never mind. He never would've used it.) Count me in as your newest groupie. Nice to meetcha.