By Jody Worsham
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Minus Quarter Pounder X 30 = Negative 8
By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for MIT School of Weight s, Measures, and Economics
No I have not had a brain transplant, although that might not be a bad idea. And I haven’t been struck by lightning that suddenly made it possible for me to do quantum physics, calculus, or sixth grade math, but there has definitely been a change in our lives. Let me explain.
For the past seven years I have made the twice daily trip from our semi-thirty-five-acre-mini-plantation into town delivering and picking up kids and passing Wal-Mart and McDonald’s a minimum of four times a day with frequent stops at both places. Over this period of time, the clearance aisles at Wal-Mart have slowly made their way to our barn, the shop, and every closet in the house. Ballet, gymnastics, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, violin lessons, church activities and a tight schedule resulted in fast food becoming a necessity as it was too far to go home and eat and get back in town in time for the next activity. Those quarter pounders, happy meals, and caffeine/calorie loaded mocha frappes have found their way to my backside resulting in double digit stretch jeans. Our credit card statement required extra postage.
At the beginning of the school year our children enrolled in a new school. It is the same distance from our semi-plantation as their old school, but in the opposite direction. In fact, there is nothing between our house and the new school except pine trees and speed limit signs; no gas stations, no McDonald’s, no Wal-Mart…not even a Dollar Tree.
Now, because I no longer pass by and stop at Wal-Mart’s two or three times a day, the clearance items are now more equally available to people who only come to Wal-Mart once or twice a week and our clearance aisle inventory is dwindling. Since time, distance, cost of speeding tickets and gasoline have increased, we have dropped gymnastics, Girl Scouts, and one set of ballet lessons.
The biggest change has come in the form of meals. McDonald’s does not deliver so we have had to rely on my cooking. Since I am not the World’s Best Cook (I am, however, in the running for Worst Cook Title) we have resorted to more natural foods….bread, peanut butter, honey, apples, bananas…natural foods that require no ovens or forgotten pots on the stove. Also, because there are no longer four pages of credit card charges to McDonald’s and Wal-Mart, our credit card statement covers only two pages and one stamp.
And that, in a convoluted manner, leads us to the title of this week’s post. During the first six weeks of school minus Happy Meals, quarter pounders, and mocha frappes, I have lost eight pounds. The credit card people did call and asked if I had been ill or kidnapped.
I said, “Nope, just going in a different direction.”