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Friday, July 10, 2015

"Shut Up and Dance!"

By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for Arthur Murray lessons


Being senior parents of a fourteen-year-old and a ten-year old, the timing is off for some types of activities, skydiving, playing catch for more than five minutes, snow skiing, or staying up past eight o’clock.  Our social gatherings seldom included children unless grandchildren happen to be visiting our friends at the time.  So when we were invited to a wedding, we took advantage of it, especially when we were promised other children would be there.  It occurred to me that our children had never been to a wedding of any kind.  Time to expand their world.

This was to be a Catholic wedding.  I had never attended a Catholic wedding myself,  but I had friends who had so I knew it was going to be much longer than the usual twenty minute Protestant “I Love You Truly”, repeat after me, “I now pronounce you man and wife”  ceremony.  I tried to prepare everyone.

The ten-year-old was cool with the length until I told him he could not take his I-pod, DS Nintendo, or I-phone.  I promised him there would be lots of standing and kneeling so he wouldn’t be just sitting the whole time.  The kneeling part made Dr. Hubby wince.  After explaining that Miss Me jeans would not be appropriate for a formal wedding even if they were covered with bling, I promised to take the fourteen-year-old shopping for a dress.  Unfortunately I used the word “appropriate” before the word “dress” which immediately triggered an episode of eye rolling.

The day of the wedding arrived and we made it through the ceremony with a minimum of wiggling, wincing, and watch checking (on the part of Dr. Hubby); then it was off to the reception and party time.  The food was delicious and the band was great.  With the children’s plates loaded with groom’s cake, wedding cake, chocolate covered strawberries, chicken, cheese squares, and an ample supply of punch, we were free to dance.  The DJ had asked for all couples to come to the dance floor.  The slow music began and after a minute the DJ. said:

“Now it is time for all unmarried couples to leave the floor.”  That cleared out all the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

“If you have been married less than three hours, please leave the floor.”  That got the bride and groom off the dance floor.

“If you have been married less than ten years, you may leave the floor.”  That took out four or five couples.   The music continued.  Dr. Hubby stepped on my toe.

“Couples married less than twenty-five years, may sit down.”  How long is this song? I wondered.

“Married less than thirty years, time to sit down.”  That sent the bride’s parents to their table.  That trumpet player sounded a little winded.

“If you have been married forty years or less, I know you will be glad to leave the floor. There are only four couples left.  The drummer dropped his sticks.   Dr. Hubby stepped on my other toe.

“If you have made it to forty-five years or less of marriage, you may sit down.”  That took out everybody but that elderly couple and us.  I think I am getting a leg cramp.

“If you have been married fifty years or less, God bless you and sit down.”  The elderly couple sat down leaving us alone on the floor,

 From the time I was sixteen, I had dreamed of this moment…  American Bandstand and the Spotlight Dance! 

Dr. Hubby held me close and whispered “I’ve got to sit down.”

I whispered back “Shut up and Dance!”


fishducky said...

We've been married 60 years & I can't remember the last time we danced--or talked to each other!!

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...


They did that at a wedding we went to a few years ago and we were one of the last two couples still standing. The other couple won, but the old guy had to be taken out on a stretcher a little while later. I couldn't help thinking how close we came to winning.

Jody Worsham said...

1Oh that's funny

Anonymous said...

That was a great idea for a wedding dance. We've been married for so long that we don't go to the receptions any more as they just last forever.

What happened to those 30-60 minute ceremonies and then everyone went to the social hall and had cake and punch after greeting the bride and groom? You could be be done in 2 hours, max. Now, the ceremonies and receptions take all day and evening. I get too tired.

Joyful said...

That's a very funny story. I hope Dr. Husband did you proud. Or you probably kicked him in the shin ;-)