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Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Black Friday and Brown Thursday?

A Sale-a-bration!
by Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for a cold shower

Black Friday has now expanded into Brown Thursday notably with several stores having sales starting as early as 6p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. I guess Wal-Mart, also known to the media as Brawl-Mart, figured since they were open anyway, they may has well rack up a few extra million in sales.

With nothing major on my "must have Christmas list" this year, I joined the crowds anyway.  I had "buck" fever. It was the thrill of the hunt. Like some neanderthal cave person, the fear of starvation or in my case missing out on a good buy, drove me from mind numbing marathon football games into the stores.

As I was wandering the aisles, I encountered old friends, not people I knew, but merchandise I hadn't seen since last year...the George Foreman Grill, the foot massager, the heated back pad, the soap on a rope, the cellophane wrapped gift baskets of toe nail clippers, back scrubbers, and lotion. They were all there.  I wondered how we managed to buy a wedding gift or a birthday present during the rest of the year.  I mean you can't find those 32 piece Tupperware look-a-likes with the red lids at any other time.

I had the twelve-year-old with me again.  This was her second BF and first BT (Brown Thursday).  Like a young cub, she was learning.

Dr. Hubby thinks I am a walking contradiction.  I don't allow her to watch violent movies, attend NASCAR races, or  pierce her ears, but I put her in the middle of the biggest free for all of the year.  Ok, for months she did talk about the fight over 800 thread count sheets she witnessed at Target last year but that was different.  That was 800 threads!  And besides, I was not encouraging gladiator mentality.

As 6 p.m. drew closer, the crowds began to circle and mill around the one cup electric food choppers encased in shrink wrap located in the automotive aisle.  I glanced at the twelve-year-old. Her nostrils began to flare, her eyes widened, and she was breathing faster.  The little hairs on the back of our necks began to stand on end. At 5:59 the crowd exploded.  Someone standing very close to me yelled "FIGHT".

The Food Chopper minimum wage security guard ran for the nearest exit.  Food choppers were flying through the air, sometimes attached to a person. Shrink wrap lassos were pulling choppers from the top. Arthritic old ladies became Roller Derby Mamas as they crashed their way through the crowd.  It was glorious!

By the time the S.W.A.T. team arrived it was over.  Hub caps, motor oil, and turtle wax were scrambled amidst shrink wrap, chopper lids, and empty boxes.

It was time to leave...
                                        for the next store.

Stay tuned next week for "Kung Fu Street Shopping"


Sharon said...

Great story, Jody. You're training your daughter early.
Personally, I'm too chicken to hit the stores on either Thursday or Friday.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

You wrote that so well Jody, that I felt I was there. As a matter of fact, I was. I got there at 6 am, after the professional bargain hunters/wrestlers had left to go to Starbucks, and was home by 8 am before they and the well rested ones returned. Me and ten other people had the stores to ourselves.

Strayer said...

That cracked me up, great account. Still laughing!

fishducky said...

You just described why the ONLY shopping I do these days is ONLINE!!

Joanne said...

I have never shopped on Black Friday. The mere thought terrifies me!