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Monday, May 10, 2010

Sweatin" WITH the Oldies

by Jody Worsham May 2010.
All rights reserved to purchase Ben Gay, Activon, Advil, and heating pad.

“Oh, well the kids will keep you young” say all my friends who aren’t raising their grandchildren. The truth is they don’t keep you young; what they do is keep you fit.
Just as you were developing that slightly past-50 tummy, your pants seemed to have shrunk, and napping seemed more appealing than taking that brisk walk around the block, enter your two grandchildren for 24/7 care. Your 24 hour at-home-gym is now open for your physical remake.
Your fitness regimen begins with hauling a 15 pound baby bucket with a 6 pound 12 ounce baby in and out of the back seat of a step-side suburban several times a day. This will create biceps even Michelle Obama would envy. Your calves and thighs will soon resemble those of Olympic speed skaters. This weight lifting step-side aerobics will continue every day with gradual increase in weight from the baby for at least 18 months.
Then wrestling an 18month old in and out of a bathtub several times a day will create flexibility in back muscles you didn’t even know you had. Waist bends while retrieving dropped toys, spoons, pacifiers, blankies, soap, toothbrushes, and diapers will create a reduced and flexible waist and shoulders capable of rotating a full 180 degrees. This will be an advantage to you later when you are driving and need to administer random swings and swats to the two squabbling children in the back seat. Since the children are strapped down in their car seats, your targets will remain somewhat stationary.
Lung capacity will also expand thus providing increased oxygenation for energy over time as you continue to give instructions and directions to the children who are playing four football fields away. This will also provide increased strength in your diaphragm enabling you to qualify for your black belt before the three-year-old.
There will be no need for you to buy a membership in expensive health clubs in order for you to have a good cardio vascular work out. Your heart rate and breathing will reach training levels several times a week when you suddenly remember among other things a) you forgot to pick up one of the kids, b) you don’t recognize the other kid you did pick up and c) 6 dozen cupcakes are due at the school in two hours.
No, raising your grandchildren will definitely not keep you young. You will, however, be in the best shape of your life! Be sure to watch for me in the Iron Man Triathlon this year. Go, Granny Go!

1 comment:

Sharon Dillon said...

Go Jody!! Enter the Mrs. America contest. You are sure to win.

Great job making us laugh.