Tip: Read this book, then pass it on as a gift.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Kee Kee Koo Koo! Kee Kee Koo Koo!
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I guess it is fitting that the book is being born on Labor Day. But having no previous experience with giving birth to anything, I was not prepared.
As most of you know I have eight adopted children. God knew what He was doing when He sent me six children already house broken, walking, and eating solid food before He sent me a one day old baby. But nothing has prepared me for giving birth to a book.
The gestation period for human babies is nine months. James Patterson may be able to pop out a book in 53 days like my Shih Tzu pops out puppies in that same amount of time, but I think I am more between the Asiatic elephant and the Alpine Salamander. The elephant’s gestation period is one year and ten months while the viviparous amphibian, The Alpine Salamander is pregnant for three years and two months. I have been carrying this book around for two years and three months.
It took a year to write it, a year to re-write it so it made sense, then 92 days to figure out the business end.
Here it is Labor Day and the book is born. Now what?
When I announced the birth to my Christian Writers’ Group, one member asked “How do you feel? Are you excited?”
How do I feel? I didn’t know. Numb? Depressed? I said “I don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout birthin’ no book but from what other mothers/authors have said, I think I’m suffering from postpartum depression. I’ve wagged this thing around for almost two and half years and all of a sudden, here it is—out in the open for all to see. And it’s little and it doesn’t do anything. It just lays there.”
Since I am not a normal mother, maybe I am not a normal writer. I don’t think I am a normal writer. What if people don’t buy the book? What if they do and don’t laugh? I didn’t laugh. I mean I grinned a few times but is that worth $8.53 cents plus shipping? But then I am always surprised when people do laugh.
So what should I do? I can’t take it back. It’s too late. It’s out there. People know! Besides, I am not the only author. Even if I could delete my half, then Wanda Argersinger’s half would not make any sense.
This is all Wanda’s fault anyway. She’s had children. She's even published books before. She should have warned me about PPP, Post Partum Panic. It was all fun and games when she said “Let’s write a book” and dumb me, not knowing what was ahead, said "Ok." I may never speak to her again!
Of course now that I look more closely at it, it does look kind of cute with its little red cover. It may have been Wanda’s art work, but it was my idea. And the stories are laughable. And later, years later, when I see it on a table at Barns and Noble I will think "Wanda and I created this little book of laughs." It took both of us to make this book. Ok, maybe I will talk to her…tomorrow.
So maybe I will buy 30 copies myself and give them to my family. Families always think your baby is darling and cute even if it is ugly and not so funny.
But what if they recognize some of the characters in the book? What if they talk to each other? What if they compare stories? They won't know it is all made up based on facts. If they see themselves in the book, my family tree will look like it has been pruned down to a nub. I will be family-less. Cut from the will. Chopped off the tree. Excommunicated. A literary orphan. A…A... uh oh! I feel another attack of PPP coming on. Kee kee koo koo! Kee kee koo koo!
“Kin We're Not Related To” by Wanda Argersinger and Jody Worsham is available at Amazon.com and Create Space Books in both paperback and e-book form in English unless Jody hit the wrong button.