Infomercial "Change"

By Jody Worsham

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If your TV serves as your night light like mine does, you make occasionally wake to one of those infomercials.  They seem to run non-stop from 2 a.m. to around 6 a.m.  I have awakened to Eggies of a thousand pieces, the ceramic knives that can slice tomatoes as thin as McDonalds, the diamond orgrenic non-stick skillet that wouldn’t pass my burn test, and the giant cupcake cake pan that produces nuclear mushroom shaped cakes, so radiant.

Either the infomercial creators have entered menopause or their wives/mothers have because now the hottest items being offered for sixteen payments of $19.99 are the coolest. 
Enter the Chillow.

The Chillow is a pillow insert with some kind of cooling gel that keeps your head cool at night.  “No more flipping pillows at night with the Chillow.”  Now having gone through hot flashes with a family that survived the trip, I can tell you that your head is not the only part of your body that needs chillin’.  I can see the Chill-sheet,  the Freon filled sleeping bag, and  the Snow Cone bra on the not so distant horizon.

Do they expect the hot mamas to put the gel filled seat cushions and Dr. Scholes gellin’ insoles in the freezer before retiring at night?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to just crank up the old air conditioner, especially if you factor in shipping and handling?

With such a large portion of the world’s population entering menopause, maybe it’s their attempt at curtailing global warming.  Or maybe it’s more of a humanitarian effort to help the male population from suffering frost bite in the summer. 

If it is a humanitarian effort, then I think they should offer a product that promises unlimited  dead silence between 2a.m. and 6 a.m.  for six low payments of $19.99.  Now that is something I might purchase. 

Oh wait.  I already have that.  It’s called the off button.