Friday, July 20, 2012
Digging Down...and Up...and Over!
By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for a MAC
Thousands of years from now, or maybe in a couple of months, archeologists will discover the remains of a seemingly civilized world. It will be known as the PlasticMesoDigital Age. Mounds, known as PC Graveyards, will be uncovered revealing thousands of tiny squares with raised metal dots and shallow lines, plastic squares with letters, and broken metal books leaving archeologists to theorize about the society and what caused its demise.
One such theory, supported by many prominent men in this field, is known as the Universal Hacks on Old Humans. The Uh Oh believe that periodically during the course of four years, either before or after the election of a totally incompetent president, random viruses from cyberspace, created by underage bored genius type children, would descend on unsuspecting villagers and wreak havoc on their computers. The most susceptible seemed to be the elderly, known as Boomers.
Generally, these were the ones who had had the same e-mail address for years. Over time they tended to have the computer remember their passwords but had forgotten the answers to any security questions such as “Where were you when Disney Land opened?” An attack would send the Boomers to seek children, bribing them with unlimited candy leading thus to sacrificing the healthiest of teeth if they would just open their locked e-mail. Others would travel hundreds of miles to the nearest Temple of Apple to take a bite of the knowledge of good and evil. Others would seek the Geeks.
Some believe the Boomers, unable to resolve their computer problems but addicted to their electronic connection to the world, simply bought another metal book, resulting in an economic decline in money available for food, shelter, and clothing for them but an incline in the financial status of computer CEOs. The smarter Boomers seemed to have invested in metal books with some kind of fruit on the front. There were fewer of these found in the PC Graveyards leading to the popular believe “An Apple a Decade, Keeps the Virus Away.”
Another heavily supported belief is the Boo-hoo Yahoo Theory. Evidence has surfaced to support an all-out attack made on Yahoo for taking over Associated Content forcing thousands of writer-wanna-bees off the net and others to switch to G-mail.
Both theories support the belief that the village people, seeking to appease the Hackers, sought a sacrificial virgin to offer up in exchange for ridding their computers of the virus. Of course this was 2012 and virgins were hard to come by. Uh Oh!
P.S. My new e-mail is JodyWorsham@gmail.com Draw your own conclusions.