Thursday, April 26, 2012
You Have Questions? EBWW 2012 Has Answers
By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for magic eight ball
If you went to the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop 2012 looking for answers, you weren't disappointed. Whatever question you had, it was answered. And if you didn't like the answer you got in the first session, you could just go to the next one and keep going until you got the answer you liked. For example:
Question #1: How do I get something published?
Session A: Build your platform. Show that you have ten million followers on Facebook and ninety-nine trillion stalkers on Twitter. Then add Pine-trees for graphics and spend the next four years of your life marketing the book.
Session B: Start writing when you are 68, print 7 copies of your first book at Staples, give 5 to your children and 2 to your two best friends. Then a publisher will call you and publish your next four books, and two playwrights will find you and turn your book into an off Broadway play all before you are 74. It helps if you live in New York.
Session C: If you have money, I will print.
Session D: You take two pieces of wood, nail them together, get a plastic baby and some electrical tape, make it a patch, call it a pirate and write a parody on parenting.
Question #2: Should I write for free?
Session D: Absolutely!
Session E: Absolutely not!
Session F: Absolutely not, unless you are getting something in return!
Session G: Absolutely up to you!
Question #3: How important is social media?
Session H: If you can speak Geek, totally important.
Session I: If you have live human, breathing friends, not so important.
Session J: If you have a ten year old living next door who will tutor for free, it can be helpful.
I hope you are making plans for EBWW 2014 where these same questions will be asked and answered in sessions in various formats and languages once again.