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Thursday, June 2, 2011

Scalped Yelp!

By Jody Worsham

All rights reserved for Doggie Do

It was time to get Tia Mia clipped. Not only do I know "nothing about birthin' no babies" I also do not know how to talk to a dog groomer. I call. I make an appointment. I show up with the dog on a leash.

"What kind of cut did you have in mind?" she kindly asked.

"Uh, short? Right now she's got chewing gum wadded up under her neck. I didn't do it. The kids did."

"Chewing gum? Oh my. So you want everything short?"


"Including the tail?"

"Ok, except the tail."

"And the ears?

"Ok, except the tail and the ears."

"And you want the Teddy Bear face?"

Ok, I have no idea what a Teddy Bear face looks like on a dog, but it sounded cute and I didn't want to sound any less knowledgeable than I already had so I said "Of course."

Two hours later I went back for my dog. Yes, I said my dog. The dog that "I must have or I will cry for days" had been unceremoniously transferred by the nine-year-old to the six-year-old back to the nine-year-old, back to the six-year-old and then to me. Each transfer was due to abundant poopage and wet spots in the current owner's room. I guess both "parents" had no clue as to how to house break a dog. "Your dog, you clean it" being screamed at the top of the lungs was a sure sign of an impending transfer of ownership.

I looked in all the cages for my little fluff ball. I guess I wasn't listening closely when the word "shaved" entered into the conversation earlier. All I remember saying was "She isn't a show dog, just cut it short so I don't have to brush."

The only dog remaining was this naked fluffy tailed, puffy faced, skinny thing with black spots. Who knew she had spots…or eyes…or toe nails…or a front end and a back end. Well, I won't have to brush for a while; just flick a yellow Swiffer Duster across her once and done.

I told my friend about it and she cooed "Oh, Embarrassed?" I didn't know if she meant the dog or the current owner, me, but the answer to both was yes. Cold and embarrassed. I put a sweater on the dog to take care of both.

I think next time I'll bring a picture of the do I want and maybe a picture of the do I do not want because what I got was a do that looks like do… well you know.


Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

Oh, the pampered pooches of today.

Anonymous said...

We used to have a Himalayan that had to be clipped regularly to get rid of the tats. Poor little thing.

Jody Worsham said...

Had the coldest May on record. Today my car mirror said it was 106. I'm sure that was wrong. Felt like 112. Thanks for your comments on my blog. You are fast! The Medicare Mom

Jody Worsham said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sharon said...

Awwww, poor baby. Both of you. Next time just get a shampoo and trim the chewing gum yourself. So funny, Jody - as always. Wish I had your talent.

Empty Nest Insider said...

My favorite part is "flicking the yellow Swiffer Duster" over your dog! Very funny! Julie

Jamie said...

That's why we've always ended up with short-haired dogs. No beauty shop drama. But good thing same is true for dogs and people -- hair grows. A good sense of humor really comes in handy with surprise hair cuts.

Jeannette Milstead said...

You are so witty and tell your story so well!! Thanks for the morning chuckles :-)

joanne lee said...

Jody that was definitely a laugh out loud piece! I could just imagine the expression on your face when you picked up your naked dog. Thanks for sharing I needed a laugh!