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Monday, March 14, 2011

The Milk God!

By Jody Worsham March 2011 406 word count

All rights reserved for lactose intolerant children

"Who left the empty milk jug in the refrigerator?" I yell.

"Not me. Besides, it's not empty."

"It's empty."

"No, there's some in the bottom!"

"Enough for a gerble maybe."

"It's not empty. There are starving children in China..." as the oldest throws my Mother's favorite admonition for wasted food, half full glasses of milk, back at me.

"They aren't starving for two drops of milk!" I countered.

There seems to be some kind of universal unwritten law that says a gallon of milk should always have a minimum of two drops of milk in it, otherwise, it will have to be thrown in the trash. Ah ha! Whoever empties the gallon of milk must be the one to dispose of the container in the trash. You never leave an empty jug in the refrigerator. It's not a monumental task requiring extreme balance and coordination to accomplish this. You grasp it by the handle, you walk to the trash bin, and you drop it in. Simple! But for a household with multiple teenagers, you'd think it was a task equal to climbing Mt. Everest.

I can trash an empty gallon jug. My balance and coordination are still intact enough to do that. Teenagers, on the other hand, feel it is a challenge to see how many times they can pour milk from the same container without emptying it. I have seen them pour the next to the last drop of milk from one gallon, then reach for the full gallon next to it to finish filling their glass with milk. Many times I have seen a gallon of milk with only a single drop of milk left in the bottom to be finished off by whom? a fairy? I have come to accept this as their miniscule tribute to the Milk gods. And while they may balk at going to Sunday School, or giving up something for Lent, they always honor the Milk god. "Thou shalt not leave a milk jug empty."

Now that we are between teenagers, you would think this problem would disappear for a while. Not so. They have trained my husband well. Maybe it's a "male" thing.

"Who left an empty milk jug in the refrigerator?"

"It's not empty," responds my husband and then "it's a tribute to the Milk Gods."

Well, who can argue with religion!


Marti said...

Ha! I think this must be a universal religion, because I often find that "one drop left" almost-empty milk jug left as tribute to the Milk God!

Great piece, Jody!

Sharon said...

Flashbacks!! So funny, Jody. At least now I know why the milk was put away with one drop left. Does the same theory apply to the bowl with one green bean or one slice of potato?

Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

Your teenagers must sneak into my house at night! Been there---sooo sympathize! I wish there was a way for the carton to *mark* the last person to use it (like if you fiddle with that ink holder that's on some clothes), so there would never be a doubt. I think I'll work on that--I'll let you know! ;-)