A Geek for All Seasons

By Jody Worsham

All right reserved for Frequent Geek Trips

The Geek Squad, I imagine, was started by somebody's grandchild who constantly had to program his grandparents' DVD player, change their digital clocks to daylight saving time, identify all buttons on their cell phones, and set up their computers. Then he had to translate 21^st century terminology into Boomerisms. For Example:

Tweet= formerly what the birds did but now a shorter form of texting with stalking capabilities.

Facebook= previously known as a picture album, but now a way for people you've been trying to avoid for 30 years to find you.

DVD= a shiny mirror thing that has movies on it, not underwear for a dyslexic grandpa

Update= What your computer will do whether you want it to or not and then you have to call for help…again.

Cut and Paste= what you used to do with scissors and glue but you now do with a mouse, not the live or dead kind but the kind attached to your computer.

Keyboard= a typewriter without the throwback thing or that annoying bell.

Blog= a diary that everybody can read whether you want them to or not.

Blogger= Gossip, know-it-all, motor mouth on a keyboard

Blog roll= Not the fruitcake log you got for Christmas but a list of stories you read when you accidently find them on your computer

Internet= world-wide party line

E-bay= formerly known as the Sears Catalogue or newspaper want ads

Webcam= An electronic Peeping Tom.

Lap Top= Not a dance at a men's club but a small computer you can put on your lap

Netbook= Not a book about nets but a small lap top (see above)

Giga bytes= Not Texas size chigger bites, but a measure of storage capacity for your computer

Social network=quilting bee where there is no quilt and you don't have to provide refreshments.

Apple=not a fruit but the kind of computer you should have gotten in the first place

Recycle bin= like your pantry with the canned peaches from 1939 and mismatched cups and saucers, formerly known as a trash can.

Jitterbug= a dance from the 1940's now a telephone with big numbers, loud speakers, and a live person on call 24/7 who can dial, forward, answer for you and call you by name, also what I'm going to get you for Christmas next year

Spam=pretty much what you think it is except it isn't meat and it doesn't come in a can.

1-800-CALL-THE-GEEK = the number you call when you've lost your remote, hit delete, see a blue screen, have a call on hold for more than two hours, time to switch clocks to daylight savings time, or need me to open the childproof medicine bottles.

I don't care who started the Geek Squad, I'm just glad they did. When I can't find a ten-year-old to solve my electronic problem or open my aspirin bottle, I head for the store with the nearest Geek. No need to ask which counter to go to. You just look for the longest line of people with the most white hair, the thickest glasses, and the computers with the most pink stickers on the bottom!

God's Middle Child

By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for Him.

I’m published! Well, actually I was included in my Christian Writers Group book of devotionals that is published and available at Amazon. They each wrote ten or twelve devotionals; I wrote one. It’s akin to eleventh hour repenting, just under the wire but it counts. I figure it’s like being God’s middle child, not his first or his last, or his only child, just His middle child.
You know how that is if you come from a large family. The middle child sandwiched in between two siblings is generally left alone. The first child is the one with all the new stuff and about a gazillion pictures. The new parents call on God for absolutely everything. He gets quite accustomed to hearing that first child’s name.

Along comes the second child and if it is the same sex as the first, the parents are “Oh, I remember that, no biggie. Thanks, God, we’ve got it covered with this one. Now I need Your advice on how to handle this temper thing with our first child.” This second child also gets all the hand-me-downs and left over toys and furniture from child number uno.

Then comes child number three and if it turns out that this will be the baby of the family or the only girl or the only boy, the second child is in for a double whammy. “God, I just don’t know about this boy (or girl). The other two were so different” and God gets to hear all about child number one again and the last child at length. Because this child is often a different sex and years behind the middle child, none of the old toys are still good and none of the hand-me-downs will work so the last child gets all new stuff and the middle child is left out, again.

So what about God and the middle child? Well if you happen to be God’s middle child, you get The Book (a manual of operations, a how to book) and a quick pat on the back. God will then say to you “I have great confidence in you. Remember to P P (that’s Pray and Praise) every day and follow The Book. If you get lost, refer to The Book. If you have a problem, look it up in The Book. If you still can’t figure it out, call Me. I’m available 24/7. Otherwise, I’ll be handling world situations and your parents as they try to deal with child number one and number three.
Good luck and remember I’m on your side!”

Ok, middle is not so bad! Thanks God!

I-Phone, U-Phone, We All Moan the Cell Phone

I-Phone, U-Phone, We all Moan the Cell Phone!

by Jody Worsham, All rights reserved to purchase Text Abbreviations Book

In the seventies we complained of a communication gap, a failure to communicate. That cannot be the case today as we seem to be a generation of strangers in constant communication with each other.

Look at any shopping mall, concert, or just people walking down the street and chances are they are on a cell phone.

At recent writer’s conference human beings were texting each other from one table to the next. I watched as blueberries, blackberries, and the next generation I-phones were whipped out in response to every texted question.

“Where do you want to go eat?” from the I-phone.

Blackberry response “I just made a reservation at Rudy’s”.

“I see Carnival has enough cabins for all of us at a reduced rate if we book now,” from a Palm Pad.

“What’s the life span of a duckbill platypus?” queried from somebody’s hand.

“Wait and I’ll Google that” from another kind of berry.

Texting is equal to writing notes when I was in school, I guess. Shorthand in high school ruined what spelling skills I had. Texting would eliminate them all together. Texting will produce a whole generation of non-spellers but will also produce a whole new written language of hieroglyphics ...LoL, OMG, lof, Those of us taught to write in complete sentences will never be able to afford to text unless we have unlimited minutes for texting.

None of the new phones are Boomer Baby friendly except for Jitterbug. Jitterbug is capitalizing on the boomer babies with their big numbered cell phones with the extra loud speakers and a real human support person who can dial that number for you or add it to your address book. They just need to go one step further and make the phone voice activated.

Phone-on-a-string would also be a nice touch. You could wear it around your neck so you wouldn’t constantly be searching in your purse or trying to ascertain if that twitching on your backside was your phone or a muscle spasm.

Until the new technology accommodates the older generation, we will have to rely on land lines…or having an eight-year-old handy to unlock our phones, download our numbers, and interpret our text messages. Fortunately, I have one at my house! I am sure we can negotiate a rent/lease agreement if you need an eight-year-old on a part time basis. Until then, we will just have to moan the i-phones!