Link Me Up, Scotty!

By Jody Worsham

All rights reserved for search of missing link.

I have been "invited" to link up with several people over the past few weeks. Now this isn't a dating thing, although for some reason my spam file is full of Cougar Find Your Cub mail lately. Linky dink seems to be some kind of business network thing. Since I am retired and heretofore unpublished, I don't know what business I have linking to whatever it is I linked…to. I know it has something to do with making connections but to what and what for, I haven't a clue.

It's like my friends that say they have a thousand "friends" on Facebook. How do they ever filter through a thousand e-mails each day? I don't think I know a thousand people and if I did, I'm sure I couldn't call them by name. Heck, I had to number my kids after a while because I couldn't remember their names. "Hey, Bobby, Billy, Brandon, Baxter, Bolivar, Number Six whatever your name is, stop swinging from the door facing and turn Number Four loose before you drop her."

Maybe they are looking for Baby Boomers to field test cell phones with supersized numbers and letters and speakers that plug into your hearing aids to give the Jitterbugs a run for their money. Or maybe they are testing those walk-in bath tubs with loud speakers attached that automatically say "Don't forget to close and lock the bathtub door" after you get in; course that might link you to the nearest plumber. Now that is something that I wouldn't mind being linked to given the age of my pipes.

I hope it is not like one of those electronic chain letter link things. I have been waiting six months and so far no new romance has come into my life (well except for those M&M dark chocolate pretzels). I haven't received any new recipes, the Publisher's Clearing House people haven't stop by with a bunch of balloons and an oversized check, and I'm way overdue for some good news.

In the meantime, "Link me up, Scotty!" This could be interesting!

I-Phone, U-Phone, We All Moan the Cell Phone

I-Phone, U-Phone, We all Moan the Cell Phone!

by Jody Worsham, All rights reserved to purchase Text Abbreviations Book

In the seventies we complained of a communication gap, a failure to communicate. That cannot be the case today as we seem to be a generation of strangers in constant communication with each other.

Look at any shopping mall, concert, or just people walking down the street and chances are they are on a cell phone.

At recent writer’s conference human beings were texting each other from one table to the next. I watched as blueberries, blackberries, and the next generation I-phones were whipped out in response to every texted question.

“Where do you want to go eat?” from the I-phone.

Blackberry response “I just made a reservation at Rudy’s”.

“I see Carnival has enough cabins for all of us at a reduced rate if we book now,” from a Palm Pad.

“What’s the life span of a duckbill platypus?” queried from somebody’s hand.

“Wait and I’ll Google that” from another kind of berry.

Texting is equal to writing notes when I was in school, I guess. Shorthand in high school ruined what spelling skills I had. Texting would eliminate them all together. Texting will produce a whole generation of non-spellers but will also produce a whole new written language of hieroglyphics ...LoL, OMG, lof, Those of us taught to write in complete sentences will never be able to afford to text unless we have unlimited minutes for texting.

None of the new phones are Boomer Baby friendly except for Jitterbug. Jitterbug is capitalizing on the boomer babies with their big numbered cell phones with the extra loud speakers and a real human support person who can dial that number for you or add it to your address book. They just need to go one step further and make the phone voice activated.

Phone-on-a-string would also be a nice touch. You could wear it around your neck so you wouldn’t constantly be searching in your purse or trying to ascertain if that twitching on your backside was your phone or a muscle spasm.

Until the new technology accommodates the older generation, we will have to rely on land lines…or having an eight-year-old handy to unlock our phones, download our numbers, and interpret our text messages. Fortunately, I have one at my house! I am sure we can negotiate a rent/lease agreement if you need an eight-year-old on a part time basis. Until then, we will just have to moan the i-phones!