Pardon Me, Your Blog is Showing

By Jody Worsham

All rights reserved for a full length

I don’t know how everyone else finds my blog, but to get to it, I Google The Medicare Mom and up pops all the titles that contain the phrase “The Medicare Mom.”  Then I click on the top one, and it takes me to this green page you are reading now.

Yesterday, out of curiosity, I scrolled past the first one and clicked on the second entry.  I was pleased to find that McAfee tests me and finds me to be virus free.  That’s good because yesterday I thought I might have picked up a virus.   It must have been that day old pizza I had for breakfast.

A little further down, I clicked on to The Medicare Mom stats.  There I learned that I was ranked 12,108,885^th.  I was ecstatic until I remembered my brief encounter with statistics in college.  Was that 12,108,885^th out of a number larger than our national debt?  If so, hooray I have a ton of readers!   I have a platform bigger than the 3x4 ft. deck in my backyard.  Or was that 12,108,885^th out of a possible 12,108, 886?  And if so, do those statistics count the number of times daily that I check to see if anybody left a comment? Then, that is not so good.  I am my own top reader.

I kept going.  This was fascinating in a depressing sort of way.  I have more Google entries than I have readers.  One site estimated my worth at $465.91.  That’s more like it.  But where is it?  It’s probably lost in the mail since I can’t find my Pay Pal password.  No, that has to be potential worth or dial-up expenses because I don’t have any advertisers, sponsors, contests, polls, or giveaways.  I just have me.  Another site had my worth at $33,75 but I don’t trust that site.  They obviously don’t use our math system because we have to have four numbers to use a comma or they miss-typed and put a comma where they intended a period.  $33.75?

A site called WOT (web of trust) ranked my overall trustworthiness at 90% giving me three out of four people on the graft.  I only got 89% on vendor reliability but I don’t know how they came up with that number because I don’t have any vendors.  I got 88% on privacy, I guess because I don’t understand links and link backs so I don’t have many.

This last ranking on WOT, I question.  I got three out of five people on the graft and a ranking of 85% on child safety.  Do they not know the government, after extensive investigation, awarded me permanent custody of eight children and two donkeys, a driver’s license, a passport, and a teaching certificate?  I looked back over my blog entries and the only thing I can see that would warrant an 85% child safety ranking would be my entries on cooking.  Maybe I should have posted a warning:  This meal was cooked by a non-professional with absolutely no training in the kitchen.  DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME…and do not attempt to eat unless you were lost on a desert island for six years and have proven you can digest anything…and I mean anything.

 Even if you think no one is reading your blog, someone is or some THING.  Better check for slips.  Your blog is definitely showing.

 

 

I"ve Got Stats!

by Jody Worsham All rights reserved to purchase free AVG.

I don't know when I got them or how but judgjng from my blog where I accidently clicked on something, I now have STATS. I still don't have a blog counter. I've tried that twice. The last time I almost got to the end when it said to click some button, only there wasn't a button there to click. According to my STATS 782 people have looked at my blog (course 743 of those would be me clicking to see if anybody had left a comment.) but I don't have to tell anbyody that, right?

I gave up on trying to contact a living person at the McAfee Security place out in cyberspace and now have my computer at the computer 's doctor's office. I'm waiting for the diagnosis. I hope it died.

While I was out I decided to see if there was a way to connect my lap top to my existing printer. I asked about connecting my new lap top to my old Dell printer and the young (better-not-let-me-find-out-who-your-mother-is) man just laughed. I went to Wal-mart, bought a cheap printer, a USB cable thing, paid for it, loaded it all in my car, and promptly rolled back into a tiny Crown Victoria that was hiding in the blind spot of my suburban. He was older than me. I'm sure he thought he was honking at me and I'm sure I thought I was listening. The insurance lady asked if I was on a cell phone or a GPS (like I could operate those and drive, too.) Luckily she didn't ask me if I was thinking about computers and what I could do with smug-still-in-diapers-computer-type geeks.

When I got home, no UBS cord, no receipt for one either but I know I bought it. I can still see that silly grin on that How-May-I-Help-Make-You-Feel-like-a-Dinasour Wal-mart salesperson. So I bought another one, got it home and took a day off to lower my blood-pressure, cholesterole, and re-think my gun safety course.

Today, after much trial and horror and growling, I got it hooked up. I printed what I needed printing. However, one piece wouldn't let me print it. That piece was the reason I bought the *&$)&#(&b extra printer in the first place. I think I would have been better off just copying the thing by hand from the computer.

To breathe some sanity back into my life, I went to McDonald's, odered a super-size Chocolate Mocha Frappe, and just waited for that size 2 server to gasp, roll her eyes, size up my supersize t-shirt, or suggest she make it sugar free.

I think I may stop by the t-shirt place and have them make me up a t-shirt that says "Don't Mess with a Texas-size Computer Freaked-Out 67 Year Old Mother of a kindergartener and a Fourth Grader". I'm sure Miss How-May-I-Help-You would agree that there is plenty of room for all that on my t-shirt.