Author? Arthur? Writer? Book Writers!

By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for an app that will accept loose change or find the missing link.

“Please, Miss Wanda, I don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout birthin’ no E Book!” which is what I said to Wanda Argersinger when she approached me with the idea of writing a book. “You don’t need to know how to format the book to Kindle, I can do that, you just have to help write it.”

And with that the egg was laid in the nest.

We just had to incubate ideas until they hatched. With the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop approaching, the chatter on the humor-writers yahoo group centered on who was attending, who was coming for the first time, what to wear, and will I fit in…to my clothes or the group? This led to reminiscing about my first Erma Bombeck Workshop in 2010.

A heartbeat was heard in the shell.

This prompted a search back through two year old e-mails that were flying back and forth between me and e-mail friends I had met through the chat group. Since my computer had crashed twice since then, it was up to Wanda to resurrect the e-mails, which she did. “You don’t remember writing this?” she asked me. “I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday, much less two years ago,” I admitted.

“Remember when you asked how you could find you friends that you had only met on line at the dinner that first night and I said “Look for the Bird,” Wanda queried. “Yes, the bird,” I said.
The bird became the subject of our book sort of, a three foot blue heron decoy that first made his appearance as a centerpiece on a table at the opening dinner of the Erma Bombeck Writers Conference in 2010 to guide me to my friends. And he would do it again for others attending the workshop for the first time in 2012 and for anyone who has ever felt like a pair of white shoes worn after Labor Day. And he would do it with his first humor e-book, “EB and the Ladies of the Bird Table Take Flight”

The egg has hatched!

So dig beneath the sofa cushions, look under the floor mats in your car, or search in the bottom of your dresser for any loose change. When you’ve found 99 cents, here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Ladies-Bird-Table-Flight-ebook/dp/B007K0QSX6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331736603&sr=8-1

If the link is missing…something, then go to Amazon.com and type in Jody Worsham. The book title should pop right up. I hope you will download this cheap book and learn what this bird has been up to for the past two years, real or imagined.

How you get the coins into the USB thingy is your problem. I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout buyin’ no books you can’t hold in your hand or dog ear the pages. Hope you do.
If you can’t, well I guess I will have egg on my face.

I"ve Got Stats!

by Jody Worsham All rights reserved to purchase free AVG.

I don't know when I got them or how but judgjng from my blog where I accidently clicked on something, I now have STATS. I still don't have a blog counter. I've tried that twice. The last time I almost got to the end when it said to click some button, only there wasn't a button there to click. According to my STATS 782 people have looked at my blog (course 743 of those would be me clicking to see if anybody had left a comment.) but I don't have to tell anbyody that, right?

I gave up on trying to contact a living person at the McAfee Security place out in cyberspace and now have my computer at the computer 's doctor's office. I'm waiting for the diagnosis. I hope it died.

While I was out I decided to see if there was a way to connect my lap top to my existing printer. I asked about connecting my new lap top to my old Dell printer and the young (better-not-let-me-find-out-who-your-mother-is) man just laughed. I went to Wal-mart, bought a cheap printer, a USB cable thing, paid for it, loaded it all in my car, and promptly rolled back into a tiny Crown Victoria that was hiding in the blind spot of my suburban. He was older than me. I'm sure he thought he was honking at me and I'm sure I thought I was listening. The insurance lady asked if I was on a cell phone or a GPS (like I could operate those and drive, too.) Luckily she didn't ask me if I was thinking about computers and what I could do with smug-still-in-diapers-computer-type geeks.

When I got home, no UBS cord, no receipt for one either but I know I bought it. I can still see that silly grin on that How-May-I-Help-Make-You-Feel-like-a-Dinasour Wal-mart salesperson. So I bought another one, got it home and took a day off to lower my blood-pressure, cholesterole, and re-think my gun safety course.

Today, after much trial and horror and growling, I got it hooked up. I printed what I needed printing. However, one piece wouldn't let me print it. That piece was the reason I bought the *&$)&#(&b extra printer in the first place. I think I would have been better off just copying the thing by hand from the computer.

To breathe some sanity back into my life, I went to McDonald's, odered a super-size Chocolate Mocha Frappe, and just waited for that size 2 server to gasp, roll her eyes, size up my supersize t-shirt, or suggest she make it sugar free.

I think I may stop by the t-shirt place and have them make me up a t-shirt that says "Don't Mess with a Texas-size Computer Freaked-Out 67 Year Old Mother of a kindergartener and a Fourth Grader". I'm sure Miss How-May-I-Help-You would agree that there is plenty of room for all that on my t-shirt.