New Year's Predictions from the Swami Mommie

by Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for Predictable Predictions

I have had the privilege of interviewing the Texas Swami Mommie for the past several decades and I can tell you she is batting a thousand, 0 for 70, on a roll when it comes to New Year Predictions.  Here is what she told me last night.

1.  Gasoline prices will go up, then down, then up but will not stabilize in 2014.

2.  There will be scandal in Washington, but not in Nevada where it is legal.

3.  The Supreme Court will  determine if Twerking is pornography or just safe sex as practiced by Miley Cyrus in public.

4.  Obama Care becomes "I Don't Care".

5.  K-Mart, who gave us "I shipped my pants" and the jingling "bells", is continuing their marketing strategy with a variation of Deck the Halls for 2014.  Contract negations are underway with the Chippendales and The Thunder from Down Under.

6.  The National Spelling Bee, no longer having any qualifiers, will become the National Texting Bee. TMYDTD (texting makes you dumber than dirt)

7.  A&E's executives will be required to under go 200 hours of sensitivity training and remedial accounting.

8.  A printed newspaper will become the newest exhibit at the Smithsonian and placed next to a book.

9. DISH and Direct TV will see competition from U-tube.

10.  Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, will seek US citizenship in order to run for Congress.

Craig's List of Trick or Treat

By Jody Worsham

All rights reserved for therapy for Craig’s Mom

 

Halloween is in the air and in the aisles of every Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and grocery store.  Plastic pumpkins, Halloween costumes, and blood and guts sealed in plastic are on every end cap at every corner.  Most of the displays on the candy shelves offer sugar ladened, calorie loaded, thigh broadening treats in larger and super large packages.  But what if you were more inclined to offer up a trick instead of a treat?   You might start with Craig’s List.

If you want to sell it or buy it, Craig’s List will post it. Up until recently most of the listings were what you would expect on such a site: cars, washers, dryers, furniture, sports equipment etc. Free enterprise prevails. “If you want it, I got it. Let’s make a deal.”  According to WFAA News in Dallas www.wfaa.com/news/consumer/22236124l.html  the newest trend on Craig’s List, and just in time for Trick or Treat, is a bit unusual.  Women are selling positive pregnancy tests on Craig’s List. 

I suppose if you found yourself “in the family way”, you might be looking for ways to keep the future little tyke in diapers.  Given the procedure for taking such a test, a pregnant mom could continue to supply a steady stream (sorry about that) of positive tests for nine months. The return on your investment is better than buying gold, especially if you are a Texas gal.  For some reason, positive pregnancy tests go for around $5 more if from a Texas supplier.

Now the question is who would want such a thing?  I mean you could flash it around, maybe get a few early baby showers out of it, possibly a proposal from a reluctant boyfriend, maybe some extra cash on your Lone Star Card (equilevant to food stamps) but eventually your secret will be found out.

And how would you market such a thing?  “In need of some ‘Positive Reinforcement?’  Get your Clearblue First Response positive test results for the low price of $35.99.  But wait, call now and we will give you a second EPT test at no additional cost.  Just pay shipping and we will do the handling.  If you specify Texas, add an addition $4.99.  Call today.  Available for a limited time only.”

Since these tests are crossing state lines, will the Federal Interstate Commerce become involved?  Will they require a stamped date of freshness?  An expiration date?  Is there an expiration date?  Will they require the location of the collection site as they do for bottled water?

Is this another frivolous lawsuit in the making?  Will the positive results be used as a basis to sue Clearblue for “false/positives” or Craig’s list for fall advertising causing emotional suffering, damage, and in some cases heart attacks? This could be some trick!

Craig, does your mother know what you are listing? All I can say to the women supplying these tests, you better make hay while the sun shines because in nine months the gravy train will come to a stop.

Hey, Craig, Trick or Treat?