They Say They Come in Threes, Part III

By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for appliance graveyard

I feel this has been the summer for electrical deaths.  I don't mean the "struck by lightning" kind but those caused by...well...old circuits.  First it was the washing machine and we all know how that went.  I'm still hauling water from the sink to the washer just so there will be enough water to slosh around.

Then there was the dishwasher, which was installed two days ago by the way.  I'm still trying to figure it out.  It is super quiet so you never hear it running.  After four weeks of having the kids wash dishes, some of the forks have food permanently welded between the tines.  The machine can clean it. But there is a problem.  It seems Mr. Kilowatt has successfully lobbied for a minimum two hour wash cycle.  To get the forks clean, I would have to use the sani-wash cycle which is nine hours.  I could buy new forks for what it would take to pay for the electricity.  After watching the blurr of the electric meter spinning out of control, Dr. Hubby suggested we go back to paper plates and cups.  The little Maytag man was right. Our dishwasher is quiet...and sneaky...and expensive.

And bad news comes in threes.  I think I told you our dyer was showing signs of depression what with the old washer and dishwasher gone.  I am happy to say the dryer is still tumbling along.  I think

it may be in cahoots with the dishwasher though because it is taking three times as long to dry a load of clothes.

The third in our trilogy of electronic failures is my computer. Maybe it was time. When I bought my computer, Windows 7 was brand new. And once I learned Windows 7 ( which took like a year). I saw no reason to upgrade. The Geek from the Geek Squad was amazed I had had it this long. He offered to transfer all my data...for a fee of course.

"Why?" I asked.

 "Don't you want all your data on your new computer?  Pictures? Bank records? Bill

"No, don't have any of that on my computer."

"So what do you use your computer for?" he asked. "Write blog stories but I have written copies of those...on paper...in a manilla folder...in a drawer...inside a metal file cabinet. And I look up math vocabulary so I can figure out what the eleven-year old is trying to do in 5th grade math...but his teacher asked me not to help him anymore."

 "So basically you just want a word processor that connects to the Internet."

 "Yes, unless you have a typewriter in the back room."

"What's a typewriter?"

A salesman, who obviously has a grandmother he adores, came to the aid of my sweating shaking Geek and said "I'll take it from here."  He led me down an aisle of shiny new computers.

"I like this blue one.  Blue is my favorite color," I said encouragingly.

"This black one is s better fit for you plus it will coordinate with your washer and match your dishwasher."

Ah  ha!  He must have read my blog.  A fan!

Sold!

Next time , making the hyper jump from Windows 7 to Windows 8

H

The Mayan Appliance Calendar

By Jody Worsham

All rights reserved for a can of spray paint.

My hubby is of the opinion that updating the house is a waste of time and money; it will all come back in style sooner or later.  That is why our house, started in the early 70’s as a cash then build project, has never been updated; actually, it has never been finished but that is another story.  If I talk about knocking out the wall between the den and the kitchen for an “open concept”, he reminds me of the early years in the house when we only had studs separating the kitchen from the den and I couldn’t wait until he got a wall up.

“Just wait a few more years and we will be back in style.  Remember the appliances? ” he said.

Ah, the appliances.  We have been a pay- as-you-go couple for our entire married life so early shopping for appliances always found us at the damaged goods warehouse or the discounted aisles looking for appliances with minor dents, dings, or scratches at much lower prices.  That is why I once had an avocado dryer, a harvest gold washer, and a white refrigerator.  As all of you appliance owners know, appliances do not break down at the same time.  It is a universal law.  So by the time the avocado dryer went out, harvest gold was no longer in style or available.  I then had a white slightly scratched dryer and a harvest gold washer.  When the harvest gold washer finally died, stainless steel was all the rage, but stainless steel doesn’t scratch or dent as easily, so I had to revert back to a slightly scratched white washer.  At least they matched…in color, not brand or style.

When we were able to finish the kitchen, black appliances were “in”.  To save money, I had to choose a white cook-top.  It matched the refrigerator, but I wanted something…anything in style so I opted for a black glass oven, a white dishwasher with a door converter kit to change the door to black , and a black trash smasher.   When the oven door finally fell off its hinges and had to be replaced, stainless steel was all the rage. But that would leave me in a kitchen with a white cook-top, white refrigerator, black dishwasher and a stainless steel oven and a hole where the trash smasher used to be.  We did not replace that.  That was too much variety even for me.  I would go all black…eventually… starting with a black glass oven.  The white refrigerator got moved to the guest house a few years later and was replaced with a shiny black one. 

But wouldn’t you know it?  The only appliance NOT to disintegrate, fall apart, rust out, or break in thirty-five years is the white cook-top.  It stands on the black countertop like an ancient light house guiding midnight snackers toward the fridge.  You might ask “Why not just replace the cook-top?”  Three words: Not broken yet!  

I am still adding to the appliance savings jar.  That cook-top has got to break sometime, and when it does, I will be ready to purchase a slightly dented/scratched white or stainless steel or avocado or harvest gold or quite possibly…if the planets and electronics align correctly… a black matching cook-top!

Hubby says that will never happen.  “But don’t worry; by the time our appliances break down again, all those HGTV shows you watch will be combining different colored appliances into a    ‘Retro Kitchen’ and you will be right in style.  Just wait.”

I bet that’s what the Mayan Calendar Maker told his wife just as he was writing “December 12, 2012”.