Let's Hear It for the FAT Cells!

By Jody Worsham

All rights reserved for fried foods everywhere

FAT!  We see it all the time, on the television, in the dieting aisles, walking down the beach, in the mirror.  We are bombarded with commercials selling the latest FAT reducing pills, drinks, rubs, wraps.  Skinny Minnies are effortlessly walking, climbing, lifting, twisting, or running on the latest torture contraptions released by the CIA.  These devices are guaranteed to give you washboard abs, a flat stomach, tight buttocks and endless trips to the chiropractor for twenty-four easy payments of $19.99 and a 300 calorie diet.  Our whole society has bought into the idea that FAT is BAD.

I am here to defend FAT.  Think about it.  In the culinary world fat makes the taste buds happy, happy, happy as Phil would say.  Without fat, potatoes would taste like library paste, Julia Childs couldn’t have named her book “The Joy of Cooking” and Paula Deen’s hair would have been too big for her body. Fat is to humans what a fur coat is to people in Miami.  It makes a statement.  It says “I have this and I am going to keep it whether you like it or not.”

Fat keeps whales from freezing in the Arctic waters.  Early man would have found himself unenlightened without bowls of fat to burn and shed light on his cave drawings.

Insurance companies should be giving discounts for an abundance of fat.  Statistics show that people with an ample supply of fat suffer fewer severe injuries from a fall than their skinny counterparts who are lacking in padding and are more likely to suffer broken bones.  Pirates carrying a hefty load of fat have also been known to survive longer on a deserted island than their thin shipmates.

In ancient economic systems, if you were worth your weight in gold, wouldn’t you like to be heavy on the scales?   It just might enable you to prevent foreclosure on that condo in Maui.

Without FAT our vocabulary and literature would be sadly lacking.  Who can forget fat lip, fat chance! fat bank account, padded expense account, padded cell, and padded seats?  Minnesota Fats, Fats Domino, Jabba the Hutt, the Hulk might never have made it into our literature and onto the silver screen had they been thin.

Great artists from the Renaissance and Baroque periods honored fat in their paintings and sculptures.  Fat happy cherubs adorn doorways and buildings.  Rotund and amply fed women were highly sought after as models.  A long legged, tall thin Barbie would never have made it as a model in those days.  Twiggy would have been passed over as ugly, unattractive, and definitely too thin.  No stick figures for the world’s greatest artists.

Therefore, let the world salute FAT!  May it keep us warm in winter, protect us when falling, bring us wealth when weighed, and sustain us when marooned on deserted islands.  We thank you for flavoring our food, our language, our literature, and our art.

Hippy!  Hippy!  Hooray for FAT!

 

 

 

A Salute to Fat, Something We Can All Get Behind

By Jody Worsham
All rights reserved for Crestor

Continuing with my “Salute To” series, I have chosen to salute fat, that most maligned of all body products. Info-commercials and regular commercials abound with FAT reducing pills, rubs, drinks, and wraps. Exercise contraptions of torture, recently released by the CIA and, FBI from Quantico, are now offered for sale with an eighteen year easy finance program available. Cables, pulleys, inclined pains, and rotating saucers are touted to give you washboard abs, a stronger core, firmly toned upper arms, and reduced body fat not to mention weekly visits to your chiropractor. Provided you have very good eyes and an 8x 12 foot TV screen, you can just make out “coupled with a 200 calorie starvation diet and your personal on-site former wrestling champion consultant”.

Fat makes the taste buds happy. Fat is necessary. Whales would freeze in the Arctic waters without it. Early man would have found himself in the dark without bowls of fat to burn. Potatoes would be used for library paste without a sufficient amount of butter. Fat is to humans what a fur coat is to people in Florida. It makes a statement. It says “I have this and I’m going to keep it whether it’s needed or not.”

Fat has been the bad guy; number one on the most unwanted list. The truth is fat has kept many a person from receiving debilitating injuries from a fall. Without that ample seat cushion of fat, many adults would find themselves in the emergency room with something other than a very large bruise. People with insufficient padding suffer more broken bones.

Statistics show that an abundance of body fat has enabled pirates marooned on a desert island to survive longer than their low fat counterparts. It also offers more protection to vital organs and bones when being attacked by a man or woman eating tiger. If you are worth your weight in gold, wouldn’t extra fat be preferable?

Fat has enriched our vocabulary and writing. Who can forget “Fat cat. Fat lip? Fat chance! Fat bank account.” Or their cousins “Padded expense account, padded cell, and padded seat.”
Fat has been honored by the great artists of the Renaissance and Baroque periods. Cherubs are always pictured as chubby and happy. Nudes are portrayed has having been well fed over the years with that ample figure type highly valued. Twiggy, Barbie and Brook Shields would never have made it as models in those days. No stick figures for the world’s greatest artists.

So here is to Fat! May it keep us warm in winter, protect us when falling, and provide food for us when marooned with pirates. Thank you for flavoring our food, our literature, our language, and our art. Oh, and for inspiring this piece!