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Saturday, January 14, 2012

If China Owned U.S.

By Jody Worsham

All rights reserved for Chop Stick Lessons

With the impending bankruptcy of Hostess, another American icon slips from our grocery shelves and Indian owned convenience stores soon, no doubt, to be bought up by the Chinese to satisfy their yen for all things American. Twinkies, 100% unnatural preservatives and sugar could be replaced with a centuries old recipe of herbs, spices, and rice called Wing Ding Dongs.

This lead me to thinking of other American businesses and what would happen to those mainstay products of American life should the Chinese acquire them.

Would Kentucky Fried Chicken replace their grilled, original, crispy chicken with Chee Kin Don Wong?

Would ExLax become Ma-Ka-U-Go and Pepto Bismal become Ma-ka-U- No-Go?

If they bought out all the pedicure salons, would all pedicure franchises be sold by Mee Doo Toe?

I could see them consolidating Dish, Direct TV, and the cable companies into Moo Goo Fa U Brains.

McDonald's, being such an international company might keep its name, but the menu might feature the McChang Double Decker Duck Tongue and nobody would want to know the ingredients in the secret sauce.

Would Wal-Mart become The Great Wall- n-Cart?

Would UPS become U Pick-up Self or Unicycle Pick-up Service?

Would the American acronym CBS become the Chinese Buying System?

Once all businesses had become Chinese owned, might they then take on education and introduce their very successful program in mainland China, No Wok Left Behind?

I'm sure our government would bail out Hostess if they could get another loan from China.

In the meantime, I am going to do my part and support Hostess by scarfing down as many Twinkies, Snowballs, Wonder Bread, Ding Dongs, Mini-muffins, and cupcakes as my stretch jeans will allow! It's my American duty.


Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

So good of you to sacrifice yourself to Twinkies for the good of our nation. You are a true patriot.

You write such clever posts. This one was a real winner!

Jody Worsham said...

I do what I can. That's why God made elastic waistbands.

Anonymous said...

Dang! Just when I thought it was safe to go on a diet.

Anonymous said...

Some interesting thoughts to ponder. Great job, Jody.

Sharon said...

Oops,forgot to type in my name. "anonymous" is me.

Cloudchaser Sakonige said...

Another potential effect. All you can eat buffets of American food would have signs saying "YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR! YOU GO NOW!"(Comedian John Pinelli)

Jody Worsham said...

Or sign say "All You Can Eat. That all you can eat.!"

Jen said...

I was distressed to find out about Hostess. Although, it sounds like they are restructuring and Twinkies will be around for the foreseeable future.
Looking forward to meeting you at the writing workshop.

LD Masterson said...

Um, I thought all the nail (pedicure) places had already been bought out. At least all the ones around here.